CASE : Alien Dung Beetles

There have been numerous accounts of paranormal creatures and beings, one of them being the Alien Dung Beetles. As with most otherworldly stories, some people receive it as the truth, while others are skeptics and believe it to be a mere fabricated story.

Alien Dung Beetles came from the Andromeda galaxies via wormhole technology known as the Sphincter Gate. The long journey was made to find new sources of “It”; a drug the entire Alien Dung Beetle civilization craved. Arriving in our solar system they first penetrated Uranus, but found it dark and gaseous and absent of “It”. Penetrating deeper into the system, they found Earth during the Precambrian Era. Sampling the “It” and finding it unsatisfactory, the Alien Dung Beetles initiated what would be the first of a series of mass extinctions. This cycle of sampling and extinction would occur every 26 million years until approximately 150 thousand years ago.

150 thousand years ago, the Alien Dung Beetles were ready to initiate another mass extinction when they made a remarkable discovery. Alien Dung Beetle scouts in Africa found primitive humans, and using their alien probe, found the “It” these creatures produced was of the highest possible quality. The planned mass extinction was halted and in its place work began on plans to increase production and concentrate the “It” for shipment to the home world.

During the early years of the invasion, the Alien Dung Beetles did not hide themselves, and often did things which confused and befuddled the early humans. They could often be seen rolling stones in dung balls to build various lithic structures, for example pyramids. These strange happenings, along with often waking up to vague memories of the alien probe, cause the humans to attempt what is now known as the “Out of Africa” exodus. The exodus was doomed to failure since the Dung Beetle encroachment was spreading faster than humans could travel at that time.

As previously stated, the Alien Dung Beetles set into motion plans to increase production and concentrate “It”. They did this by modifying the human genome and culture in various ways.

Seeing the need to increase population they modified the human fertility cycle, changing it from a yearly cycle to a monthly cycle. A complement to the previous action was to tweak the human pleasure centers in the brain to constantly want and crave sex. Porn was soon to follow, and strangely, reality entertainment. Humans began to congregate in larger groups to increase the odds of having sex, forming into cities. The birth of cities allowed the Alien Dung Beetles to introduce sanitization technology, for example septic tank and sewer systems, to collect and concentrate human “It”.

Knowing that obesity increased “It” production, the Alien Dung Beetles influenced the development of television. By using their superior genetic science they were able to link the human obesity gene to the screen aspect ratio. This link caused obesity to soar as screen size increased. The Alien Dung Beetles, finding that color greatly enhanced television induced obesity and “It” production, influenced a small company named Kodak to invent color. Previous to 1935 the world was black and white with various shades of gray. This is why old pictures and movies are black and white. Remarkably this transition was captured while making the classic film The Wizard of OZ. The transition can be clearly seen when the film switches from black and white to color.

Last of all the Alien Dung Beetles introduced politics to the unsuspecting humans and were amazed to see a twelve fold increase of “It” production, with the highest concentrations of “It” being seen in Washington D.C, Moscow, London, and Beijing. In business an increase in “It” was also observed at IBM, GE and other companies due to office politics.

The Alien Dung Beetles are here to stay on a planet they call “Sssh”. Now you know why everyone is getting fatter and full of “It”, and why politicians and managers are absolutely full of “It”. You may wonder if there is any hope, but don’t despair, there is a defense. We can win by following the teachings of the Toad Masters from the Magellanic Clouds and embrace The Inner Toad.

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